Caring for Parents

Better living conditions, medical advances and healthier lifestyles mean that people are living longer. Around a fifth of the UK population is now over 65 years of age and, it is estimated that by 2050, it will be one in four people.

As we go through life, we rely on our parents to care for and support us. However, with people living longer, it is increasingly likely that the roles will one day be reversed, and you may need to care for, and support your parents in the future.

This can come as a shock, as can the cost of caring for an elderly relative. It can also be especially challenging if you have a family yourself.

Here we provide some tips and advice on what you, and your parents, can do to make sure you are all prepared and aware of your options, should the need arise.

Talk with your parents now

It may not seem an easy conversation to have, but find time to sit down with your parents to have a frank and open discussion about what they want to do if they need care in the future. It’s possible that it’s something they have already thought about, and they may have started planning. However, unless you speak with them you won’t know. Do it whilst they are still physically and mentally able as it removes any urgency and allows you all to plan what they would like to happen should the need arise.

As well as understanding your parent’s wishes, it is naturally important to understand how they envisage paying for any long-term care needs. By having a conversation about their future care now, you can put in place plans and be clear about their wishes, avoid the financial burden falling on you and the rest of your family and set realistic expectations about the how much care and financial support you and your family will be able to provide.

Ensure your siblings are involved

If you have siblings, ensure they are involved in any conversation with your parents. It is not uncommon for some siblings to be closer with their parents than others, but it is important to try to involve all of you, as it will help avoid misunderstandings and conflicting views and feelings in the future. If a sibling doesn’t want to be part of the conversation, respect their feelings but ensure they are informed about what is discussed and agreed. If they have thoughts and opinions, include those in the discussion with your parents. It will also allow you all to understand and share any future care responsibilities and determine how potentially difficult decisions will be taken. It will also reduce the chance of disagreement and upset in the future.

Understand what care options are available

If you notice that your parents are starting to struggle to care for themselves, take time to understand the options available:

Care at home

It’s perfectly natural that older people may want to stay in their own homes and receive additional care and support. However, it is important to consider whether this will be the best option for your parents, you, and your family.

Whilst staying in their own home will have some advantages for your parents, such as helping them maintain some independence, being in a place they know and continuing to have a support network around them, it does have its downsides.

If they have a carer coming in to help them, it is likely they won’t always be cared for by the same person, which can be unsettling for older people, and it can be difficult to have strangers come into your home. Unless your parents have a live-in carer, there will also be large parts of the day and night when they will be alone, putting additional pressure on you and your family to check on, and care for them. Unlike residential care, where buildings are either adapted or purpose built to make them suitable for older people to live in, the average home is not. This may mean your parents will need to change the way they use their home (moving their bedroom downstairs if mobility is an issue, for example) or having their home adapted to make it more suited for their use. This can be disruptive and adapting a home can be expensive. If cost is a primary concern, care at home may also not be the cheapest solution to their future care needs.

Residential care

t’s important to remember though that the cost of residential care varies widely and the quality of care, accommodation and residential care facilities also vary too. It is therefore worth researching residential care homes and facilities carefully, if this is the route your parents wish to take.

Whilst the disadvantages of residential care largely mirror the advantages of care at home, there are many advantages for older people that living in a shared community bring. These include continuity in who provides their care, carers always being on hand, and an environment tailored to the needs of older people.

Caring for your parents yourself

You may, of course, choose to take on the responsibility for the care of your parents yourself. If you do, be sure to consider it very carefully first, including the financial support and level of care you can give, and the emotional and physical demands that caring for someone you love can bring. Also keep in mind that it could be a long term commitment and become progressively demanding both in terms of time and the level of care required. It is likely that you will still need help in the form of respite care at various times, so that you can take breaks and go on holiday, so this should also be factored in. Also, have a “plan b”, in-case the situation should arise where, whether though ill health, or changes in your personal circumstances you are no longer able to undertake this, sometimes, challenging role.

It’s not easy watching your parents grow old and seeing the people who raised and cared for you struggle to care for themselves. Speaking with them before the need arises, and putting in place a plan for the future, will make it easier though.