How to talk openly about money in relationships

Finding it difficult to talk about money with your partner? You’re not alone. Try our conversation starters to kick things off.

With any kind of secret, if left to fester, it can lead to arguments and distrust.

Talking about money can be difficult (and not particularly romantic) but they’re crucial conversations to have if the relationship is going to work.

So how can you commit to being more open about your finances and asking for help if you need it?

Here, we’ll address some of the ways to avoid letting money secrets come between you.

What are the most common financial secrets?

According to a UK-based survey by the Money and Pensions Service, the things we’re most likely to lie about in relationships are:

• Hidden credit cards (37%)
• Undisclosed loans (23%)
• Secret savings accounts (21%)
• Other secrets like hiding extra money and downplaying how much something cost

In the US, 37% of people have not been truthful to their partner about money, according to Forbes. The most common lies told in the US are about purchases (49%) and debt (37%)

Why do we keep secrets?

Lots of people avoid talking about finance at all costs. Reasons include:

• Embarrassment
• Lack of financial confidence or literacy
• Fear of being judged
• Avoiding unwanted attention
• To protect anxious loved ones from problems

How to open up about your finances

Communication and open conversations are central to a healthy relationship. Money is no exception. So, how should you approach it?

Find the right time and place

Decide on a time of day when both you and your partner have time to talk and won’t be disturbed.

You don’t want to feel rushed while you’re talking about something important and potentially sensitive.

Be honest about how you feel

People aren’t mind readers, and they can usually handle the truth more than you think.

It’s likely that they’ll find it easier to understand your situation if you’re truthful about it.

You may even find that your partner is just as concerned about something as you are: help each other and figure it out together.

Ask for help

Opening up to your partner and asking for guidance or support will help you build your connection and understand each other better.

Your partner is also more likely to be sympathetic if you explain how the situation came about and involve them in helping you sort it.

Talk frequently

The more you discuss your finances together, the better the outcome is likely to be. Plus, it’s likely to get easier the more you talk about it. Practice makes perfect, after all.

Set aside a regular time each month to talk about money, so you both know it’s coming and can prepare for the conversation.

Set a joint budget

Agreeing on a joint budget can help you both understand where the money is being allocated, particularly if you share a bank account. But don’t feel pressured if you’re not ready.

Ask them to hold you accountable

You may find it helpful for your partner to reinforce positive spending habits and address negative behaviours, without judgement, as and when they happen.

Don’t let money become the ruler of your relationship

Financial insecurity and infidelity can often stem from inequalities in a relationship.

Have a conversation about how you can both feel like active participants in your finances, regardless of your income.

Try these conversation starters...

If you’re stuck for an opener when speaking to your partner about money, why not take inspiration from these questions?

• What does money mean to you?
• What are our financial goals?
• How much debt are we comfortable having?
• What do we agree (and disagree) on when it comes to money?
• Is there anything that keeps you up at night regarding our financial situation?
• Where do we see ourselves in 10, 20, 30 years?
• Is there anything you’d change about the way we manage our money?
• What would we do if we got into financial difficulty?

Use our tried-and-tested methods of communication or develop some of your own. You’ll be speaking openly about money in no time.

The information provided is financial guidance and should not be considered financial advice.